Carlie's story

​​I have suffered from PTSD, Depression and Anxiety for as long as I can remember but I didn't realize that there were labels for what I had until recently. It took me moving across the country (where I didn't know anyone) for the Depression, PTSD and Anxiety to kick in tenfold before I even thought to seek help. I genuinely didn't even realize what I had until I took a course here in town that teaches you how to help others in the community suffering from mental illness and about local resources. Learning more about specific mental health issues taught me what I had and that there were many resources and people in the community available to help. It took me about 6 months to actually reach out for help and I'm so glad that I did!

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A large part of why it took so long to actually seek help was because while I was growing up, there were multiple times that I knew something wasn’t right and every single time I reached out or asked for help I was shut down; From my doctor telling me when I was sixteen that “It’s just hormones, you’re a teenager. Everyone goes through this. You’re fine.” when I went in about what I can now define as both Depression and Anxiety. To just last Summer when I was new to town and talked to my manager that I thought I could trust about an assault that had occurred recently and was being bullied at work by my coworkers about. What I got was victim blaming at its finest... He said that “I should be more cautious of my drinking and that no one gives away free drugs.” immediately after me explaining that I had been both drugged and assaulted.

The anxiety has been a factor in my life since I was very young, I remember around the age of nine years old I refused to sleep alone in my room and around that time I had become afraid of the dark (still am).  After multiple nights of panic attacks and sleepless night my parents finally budged and I ended up being allowed to share a room with two of my brothers. This carried through until I was a teenager and my mom decided that I was too old to share a room with my brothers any longer. It took me many years (and panic attacks) to work through my fears of sleeping alone in a room.
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I have had multiple bouts of self-medicating via mainly binge drinking throughout my young adult life because I didn’t know how to cope. At some of my lower points I was drinking before any social interactions and going out every single day of the week, blacking out the majority of the time. In addition, I have had multiple points in my life where I have suffered from anorexic tendencies, starving myself for days at a time... This would generally last from a week at a time up to several months at a time. None of these were even remotely healthy means of coping with my mental health issues but I had been told too many times and had my feelings/symptoms belittled for so long that these were what I felt were my only coping mechanisms. I seriously believed that there was something wrong with me and there were no alternative options.

Thankfully I am in a much better place now and can go out and drink without binge drinking and blacking out. Although I may have to battle with my mental health issues well into the future, I have learned multiple coping mechanisms and have met some amazing people who are helping me along in making positive strides towards my personal goals and happiness. Medication and talking to someone have made a world of a difference for me. Just having the opportunity to be validated and told that what I feel is real and that there are people available to help, not to mention multiple options has made my progress that much easier. I was (and always have been) extremely bubbly, social and outgoing, and you'd never know meeting me that I suffer from mental illness, but as we all know you can't always see when someone is suffering. I am so much more than my mental health issues and they don't define me or who I am. Two of my favorite quotes are:
 
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Ian Maclaren
And

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” – Robin Williams.

You genuinely cannot tell what other people are going through just by looking at them and everyone deserves some kindness, whether it be a smile or some help, every little bit counts.