 I am not really sure when it all started. My parents had known in some way since my brother was very young. When he was around five or six years old he felt like he didn’t belong, couldn’t connect well with the other kids. It grew from there until the day he was finally, officially diagnosed with anxiety.
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 By: Alyssa Logan
I started taking medication for my depression and anxiety when I was 13 years old. I started with the lowest dosage of a drug called prozac. I was on it for two years, until grade 10 when it stopped working. My psychiatrist, this guy that reminded me of Albert Einstein, tried a concoction of other medications, but it wasn’t until Effexor that I began to feel happy again. I was on it for three years, until I missed a dose. From that day forward it didn’t seem to work as well, but I was afraid to have to change prescriptions again.  I think a lot of my problems started when I was young. Growing up my parents got divorced when I was still a baby, and twenty years ago not too many of my parent’s friends were divorced, so not only did I develop a sense of abandonment, but I felt looked down on by other kids at school.
 Throughout this last year, I really struggled answering the question “Are you happy?”. I could not recall the last time I was genuinely happy with myself or how I was living my life. I was first diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 16, along with obsessive-compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. It was a lot to digest – well for my parents, that is.
 Ever since I was little I have been dealing with anxiety. It has manifested in many different ways over the years, from separation anxiety to anorexia and depression. When I was in my final year of high school, I became obsessed with my weight, thinking I needed to lose five pounds to look perfect in my prom dress. The only problem was that no matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough.
 Hello, my name is Dean Holden but I was born Nicholas Holden. I am a 21 year old brown haired blue eyed bag of emotional tenderness and I suffer with depression and anxiety. My story has some themes which are hard for me discuss but hopefully anyone who has similar experiences can find comfort that they aren’t alone in this battle.
 As far back as I can remember I've always been a social butterfly. I was always talking with someone, going somewhere with my friends, and even my jobs were based on being around lots of people. So to suddenly be crippled with anxiety, depression with bouts of agoraphobia, I was pretty shocked to see my whole life just fall apart right in front of me.
 In the winter of 2012, my family got the news that we were granted immigration to Canada after more than 8 years of waiting. Incidentally, I was to graduate high school the same year, and would have to start researching post-secondary schools in Canada.
 It all started when I was seven. The shakes, the feeling that I would never be normal again, the feelings of panic for no valid reason all started abruptly when I was merely seven years old. The worst feeling of all though, was one that I don't even recall experiencing. It still brings my mother to tears whenever she talks about it but I still have only a vague recollection of the feeling. It was the feeling that, at only seven years old, that I wanted to die. Maybe I blocked out the fact that I felt this way, I don't know, but what I do know is that my family still tells me to this day I would say all too often, "I would rather die than feel like this all the time."
 “I don’t know what living a balanced life feels like. When I am sad, I don’t cry, I pour. When I am happy, I don’t smile, I beam. When I am angry, I don’t yell, I burn. The good thing about feeling in extremes is when I love I give them wings.” - Rupi Kaur
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Katie McLean holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, and bases her anxiety aid in personal experience, as well as techniques that have been passed on to her by counsellors, friends, and fellow anxiety sufferers. CategoriesArchives
October 2018
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Photo used under Creative Commons from Elisa ...
