Why I take medication, and why that’s okay

By: Alyssa Logan 
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I started taking medication for my depression and anxiety when I was 13 years old. I started with the lowest dosage of a drug called prozac. I was on it for two years, until grade 10 when it stopped working. My psychiatrist, this guy that reminded me of Albert Einstein, tried a concoction of other medications, but it wasn’t until Effexor that I began to feel happy again. I was on it for three years, until I missed a dose. From that day forward it didn’t seem to work as well, but I was afraid to have to change prescriptions again.

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I was experiencing some pretty severe side effects, the worst being what most people refer to as “brain zaps.” I can only describe these as someone trying to zip and unzip your skull. My mood fluctuated from “well, maybe I can get to class today,” to “if anyone comes near me I’m pretty sure I’ll shatter into a million tiny pieces so I guess I’ll just stay in bed under the covers, with a bag of chips.” This went on for several months until I started having suicidal thoughts and my previously under-control self harming thoughts returned. I went to a new doctor on my campus and explained the situation.
 
We decided that because exams and final papers were just around the corner it would be unwise to switch my medications. I pushed through as best I could, and eventually, just before the May 24 weekend this year, I switched off Effexor and onto a drug known as Pristiq. I’ve now spent the better part of two weeks dealing with really severe withdrawal effects, something that I had expected, but hadn’t realized just how bad it could get.
 
But really, none of this is the point of this post. I decided to write about this topic simply because ever since I started taking medications for my mental illness, I have been given countless hours of unwanted advice on why taking them was the easy way out. So here are my top three reasons why I take medication for my depression and anxiety, but more importantly, why that is okay.

1. I don’t just use medication to deal with my illnesses. In addition to medication, I see a therapist as needed, commit to exercise 3-4 times a week, use tons of self care like reading, playing with my puppy and taking long hot baths while crying (and yes, it’s totally okay if your self care sometimes includes crying!)
2. Medication helps me to be the best person I can be. Without medication (at least for the time being), depression and anxiety control my life. I struggle to get out of bed, I cannot eat, sleep or even focus, and sometimes it isn’t safe for me to be alone because of how bad my thoughts can get. Taking medication allows me to work at these things. Let me be clear - it doesn’t solve my problems, it just helps me get on my feet and work at them.
3. Because I am sick, I have an illness, and like anyone with a physical illness, I need more support than yoga, meditation and nature walks. Whenever I tell someone I’m having a hard time with my depression or anxiety, I’m told that “yoga, sunshine, meditation and art will cure me of all my ailments.” What they don’t understand, is that I do all those things and while they help to keep me afloat, I need medication to be able to do these things. As I said before, without medication I am stuck in bed crying and wishing that I was dead. Medication allows me to get up and try to take care of myself. Granted, somedays are easier than others, but for the most part, my medication helps me do the things I need to do to stay mentally well.

 
We rarely encourage pill taking when it comes to taking medication for our mental health. ‘You shouldn’t be taking those’, we say. ‘Have you tried lemon water and yoga lately?’ we offer instead.
 
What                    the                 hell?

Seriously, what are we doing to ourselves?
 
We would rather doom ourselves to a life full of self-loathing, voices in our heads and suicidal tendencies than pop a pill or two every day to keep ourselves sane all because ‘society’ deems it something shameful. That asking for help in the shape of a capsule or little round tablet to function a little better each day is the most embarrassing and shameful thing in the world!
 
I refuse to let the stigma associated with medications, mental illness, and mental health in general prevent me from getting the help that I need and deserve. I take medications because I need them in my life right now, and that’s okay. It is okay.